Ali
Where do you feel most safe?
As a result of complex PTSD, I've spent years carrying tremendous fear in my body. It’s been very difficult for me to feel safe. Trauma changed my relationship with myself, my body, and my sexuality. It changed my way of interacting with others and with the world around me.
Relationships felt like a very dangerous thing for me to engage in. Even in the best ones, I struggled to fully let go and trust the other. I've worked so hard to heal enough to experience comfort in connection - something we all come into the world knowing innately how to do. Having returned home to myself, I can now know safety in others. In my lover’s arms, I can exhale. Here, I am loved. Here, I am safe.
How do you identify and when did you first discover your identity?
I identify as a Queer pansexual woman. In high school, I watched Kissing Jessica Stein. I remember having a very different response to the film than my girlfriends at the time, and that is when I really began to explore my sexuality and identity.
What personal item do you feel most attached to?
My first and favourite stuffed animal.
What do you want to share about the object you’re holding?
This is Doggie. He came into my life on my first Christmas, when I was just shy of one month old and he was literally bigger than me! He has been my favourite since I learned to love him. Doggie has accompanied me halfway across the world and back. He has comforted me in times of great loss, even after I decided I was too old for him. Doggie has been a witness to my life.
What single word would you use to describe how you feel about being Queer?
Whole.
Dottie
Where do you feel most safe?
Malabar is my safe space for a lot of reasons, when I'm there I feel like I can be myself, I feel like I can be loud, theatrical and as Queer as I want. When I'm at Malabar I can become someone else, I can become a character and I can forget about whatever has happened to me over the course of the day.
How do you identify and when did you first discover your identity?
I identify as “straight,” but I am Queer. I guess for some people it could be confusing for me to say: I’m Queer, but I’m also straight. I identify as Queer because I strongly stand behind and support acceptance. I accept, embrace and value how people express themselves, especially when it comes to gender and sexuality. Being Queer for me means believing that everyone has the right to be themselves and express themselves without being judged or hated.
I discovered my identity in high school. I had a best friend at the time, I was really good friends with her. We were like two peas in a pod. I started to develop feelings for her that weren’t just “friend” feelings, they were definitely romantic. She was a bit older than me, but she wasn’t attracted to me the way I was to her. That was the first instance when I realized I could be attracted to more than one person and that love was more than just what society told me it was.
What personal item do you feel most attached to?
A photo of my Mother and me.
What do you want to share about the object you’re holding?
My Mother growing up really shaped who I was. She really gave me the ability and the strength to be myself. My Mother was abused by my Father growing up and I saw her bravery and her strength and her ability to keep fighting. My Mother has always been herself and never apologize for who she is. She’s always instilled in me to accept everyone, to love everyone, and to embrace everyone. My Mother is my #1 supporter, my best friend and the love of my life.
What single word would you use to describe how you feel about being Queer?
Proud.
Justin
Where do you feel most safe?
In my bedroom. I am a bit of a pack rat, I keep pieces of paper and trinkets from years back from different places I've lived. It's like a time machine, my room. I have all of these small objects that, when lined up, show the evolution of me...funnily enough it's almost a time line of my queerdom and my self confidence. I could be laying in bed for days, depressed, going through the motions of living (going to work, coming home from work, sleeping, watching tv, going to work, repeat) but every so often I'll come across something that I haven't seen in a long time and it snaps me out of it. It reminds me of where I am now and how I grew into me, as I stand now, and that gives me joy cause I could have stopped and not moved...but these little things remind me that I move. I am going somewhere, ‘cause I've been other places. My room is a big gay womb of me, my infatuations, my waste, my joy, my everything.
How do you identify and when did you first discover your identity?
I'm a big gay mess. That's how I identify. I've known it for years and years. I'm sure when my Mother's water broke it was a pile of glitter and confetti popping out of her. I think it took a long time to be at this point now where being gay is me and I live for it! I actually get so offended when people think I'm straight. How dare you think that?! I refuse to live in the lines, the fringe is where it's at.
What personal item do you feel most attached to?
It's my Gameboy! I've had this (and it still works perfectly) since I was 7 years old. It has come to every country I've lived in and it's gonna be buried with me. I grew up poor, my family was always struggling with money and I wasn't aware of that ’til I was much older cause I never was without the important things. I'm lucky that way. But my parents saved up for this as a Christmas gift to me, and I knew they did. The value of it isn't in its price tag, it's in the thought, time, and love that went into working the extra shifts to pay for it.
What do you want to share about the object you’re holding?
I never had friends when I was a kid. I had like...one, I think. Nobody wanted to be friends with me cause I was odd. They recoiled from me ‘cause I was queer, and poor. I had no idea that I was for a long time, but looking back it was very obvious that people's parents knew, and they would make sure that I wasn't invited to birthday parties, or that I wasn't allowed to come over and play. So when everyone around me was playing with their Gameboys, my parents saw that that was something that could help me. They saw how withdrawn and sad I was ‘cause I didn't have friends and how desperately I wanted someone to play with. Silly now to think about; "I have to have this bit of electronics to make friends" but it was true! When you're a kid it's about showmanship. "Look at what I have, aren't I cool?” and that would draw people to you. So when they gave me my Gameboy, I could share something with people. I could show them how far I'd progressed in the game (at the time it was Pokemon...I laugh now ‘cause the same game is saved so I can plug it in and play it from where I left it off as a kid), and then I built friendships, and most importantly I got to make friends with guys. Only having a sister, I hung out with women so having a guy friend was bliss for me! I got to bust out of my shell and do standard "boy things" it was exactly what I needed.
What single word would you use to describe how you feel about being Queer?
Rad.
Nik
Where do you feel most safe?
I’ve never felt safe. I feel safe in the company of my friends and the people who support me, but I don’t feel safe around my family, I can never be myself. I’m always hiding something. I feel like my family is always judging me. I just don’t feel safe at home. I don’t feel safe outside. I feel like when people discover I’m not cis-gendered that I’m not safe. I don’t feel safe in public bathrooms, unless they’re gender-neutral.
Even in the Church-Wellesley Gay Village, I don’t feel safe or welcome. I’ve experienced discrimination even there. I feel like I’ve had to make armour for myself, my tattoos signify that. No matter what, I just keep fighting. The fact that I’m here today, I just keep choosing to fight for myself.
How do you identify and when did you first discover your identity?
I identify as transgender. I’ve never felt like I’ve belonged to this body. It wasn’t until about two and a half years ago that I realized, “I am Trans.”
What personal item do you feel most attached to?
My boxers.
What do you want to share about the object you’re holding?
For me, boxers have always signified masculinity. I love the way boxers look, especially the thick elastic band. It’s such a small detail, but for me it’s so important. I have to have boxers on. It really encompasses my masculinity. I thought I was being silly, but the band really says everything for me.
What single word would you use to describe how you feel about being Queer?
In this moment: scary. It’s a new thing for me. But I’m also trying to be fearless.
Rowan
Where do you feel most safe?
My safe space is the woods, or in a broader sense, nature. My fondest childhood memories involve hikes through the woods, and camping trips. I have always felt a deep connection with our planet and I feel most at peace, physically and spiritually, when I am around nature. You leave the loud sounds of the city, and enter this sacred quiet space, but soon realize that it is not quiet at all. You hear birds, maybe a squirrel, the rustling of the leaves, and it truly feels as though you are communicating with your surroundings. I feel a sense of solace there that I cannot find anywhere else.
How do you identify and when did you first discover your identity?
I identify as a queer trans woman. I have always known deep down that I did not agree with the sex I was assigned at birth, but it was not until very recently that I decided to live authentically as the woman I have always been.
What personal item do you feel most attached to?
My Nana’s scarf.
What do you want to share about the object you’re holding?
The object I chose is a scarf that belonged to my Nana. I love the colours, and the design, it's the epitome of her sense of style. My Nana has always been a huge part of my life and has impacted me in so many ways. As a child during the summer months she was my caregiver while my parents worked. Believing that children need a strong sense of culture, she took me to theatrical productions, museums, and art galleries. She is the person that made me fall in love with the arts, and everything creative, and for that I am eternally grateful. This scarf is something that always makes me think of her, and makes me smile.
What single word would you use to describe how you feel about being Queer?
Liberated.
Tate
Where do you feel most safe?
The first half of 2016 was the toughest time of my life. Learning how to walk in these new shoes, as a transgender person, and experiencing a significant amount of pain during that stage of my transition was nearly debilitating. The Summer of 2016 changed everything. My condo building started to feel like my home again and thanks to a few incredibly warm and supportive folks, the rooftop became my sanctuary. Post top surgery, this was the first place I ever took off my shirt, in public. The rooftoppool, fully enclosed in glass with a panoramic view of the city, quickly became my safe space. Being truly visible, experiencing support, living authentically, and feeling closer to accepting your physicality is undeniably liberating.
How do you identify and when did you first discover your identity?
I am a Queer trans guy. I’ve come out twice in my life, once as a young Queer woman and now as a Queer trans guy. The word “Queer” embodies my gender history, it’s a very important word to me.
I knew as far back as Senior Kindergarten that I didn’t quite fit, my insides didn’t match my outsides. When my SK “girlfriend” and I would re-enact the lift from Dirty Dancing, I was always Patrick Swayze.
What personal item do you feel most attached to?
My keys.
What do you want to share about the object you’re holding?
I’m lost without my keys. My keys represent everything dear to me. I have a key to my childhood home, where my Dad lives, and where every childhood memory lives. I have a key to open my Mom’s home, where I’ve experienced the most amount of support in my life. I have a key to my partner’s home, which is a lovely reminder of how effortlessly we combined two lives. I have a key to my retail shop, which represents to me my accomplishments and aspirations. People have teased me, deeming my keys “Dad keys,” since they can appear pretty cumbersome, but that just makes me love them more.
What single word would you use to describe how you feel about being Queer?
Grateful.